Random thought: whenever my friends are talking about a hypothetical dating situation, to tell a joke or prove a point, etc, etc, I'm always the one who's the girlfriend in the fake relationship. For instance, a group of my friends and I (yes, I have friends, whoah) were talking about how funny it would be if our friend Tyler (who happens to be gay) would post on his Tumblr that he, in fact, had a girlfriend, and see how many of his followers would freak. And who was the "fake girlfriend" in this scenario? Me. I mean, our friend group created this whole messed up family tree where I am in a relationship with probably half of the members... Now, just to clarify, this is all completely silly. I understand we're making jokes, and I probably laugh louder than anyone else because I think it's really funny when people make fun of me (if they're being nice about it. This isn't permission to tear me apart. I have delicate feels.) But, it just got me thinking... Am I always the imaginary girlfriend because everyone finds me really dateable? Or is it because the concept of me dating someone is so ridiculous, it makes the jokes that much more funny? Just random thoughts...


This is For You, Mayya

No, I'm not sorry that I haven't posted in forever and a day and no, I'm not going to talk about graduation because it was really boring and the speeches disappointed me. Like, honestly, I probably could have walked up there and given a better speech than anyone who gave one (except the Swedish exchange student, Anna. She had a good speech.) Anyways, lackluster speeches aside, today was a really good day? Why, you may ask? Because I went to my friend Abi's graduation party and I may have met a guy there. Yeah. Details, you say? All right, if you insist. His name is Marcus, and he's a senior. I actually met him in my Spanish class this last semester, but honestly, I was so out of it in that class that a guy could have been on his knees proposing to me in Espanol Tres and I wouldn't have noticed. He has sandy blonde hair and he's about a head taller than me and he plays trombone and he's on the Robotics Team and on the swim team and BLUE EYES. Now, if you know me, this is old news to you, but, while I have many requirements for a guy's personality before I'll find him remotely "dateable," I only have one physical requirement-ish-thing, and that is BLUE EYES. Now, obviously I'm not going to not go out with a guy just because he has green eyes, but every guy I've ever liked has had blue eyes, and they kind of make me melt. And Marcus, well, his eyes were a little bit gorgeous. Anyways, we talked for a while, and he seemed amazing. He's smart and he likes to build computers and cars and he's into swimming and into band and he's kind of a balance of the jock and the geek. Which, I think is the kind of guy I like the most, because he has to be mostly geeky to even want to hang out with me, but c'mon, the appeal of a sports-ish kind of guy is pretty strong. Once again, most of the guys I've ever liked have this balance. His sister was also along with him, and I know her from choir, and she seemed to kind of adore her older brother, which really says a lot because Katie is a cool girl, and if she looks up to her brother that much, it must mean he's pretty cool too. So. He's kind of a little bit perfect. And then, to top it all off, I was telling a story about how I didn't want to go see this movie with anyone, since I know that I'm going to go alone because I'm going to cry enough to fill an ocean during it and I didn't want anyone to have to see me in that state with snot running down my face and sobs racking my body, and a freshman guy actually asked me if I wanted to go with him (I told him no, if you're wondering), just because I thought the story was kind of cute and funny. I was kind of poking fun at myself, and making jokes about how it's so weird that the freshman person would ask me, of all people, and Marcus leaned in and said, "He asked you because you're pretty." And then repeated himself four times loudly in my face because I apparently am incapable of accepting a compliment and kept trying to argue with him on this point. So yeah. That happened. But, unfortunately, all is not well in the land of Kira. Yeah, he's a really really awesome person, but there are some problems. A list of them? I guess, if you want one. 1) He's a senior. He graduated today and he's going to college an hour away and there's no way I'm going to be able to get to know him enough this summer to actually have him ask me out or vice versa. And, his college is an hour away, like I said before. So that would make things difficult. 2) I'm a complete coward when it comes to boys. I need to know a guy really well before I'll even flirt with him. There really would be no way for me to get to know him this summer unless I put some man pants on and and asked him for his number or something, a feat that I don't think I would be capable of. Speaking of my flirting skills, those are very out of practice too. I haven't tried to flirt with a guy in a very very long time. So if I do try to flirt now, I'm extremely awko taco and I usually can barely speak English. 3) I'm not actually allowed to date until I get into college. But, this wouldn't be that big of a problem because I think I would just have a crush on Marcus, and if things miraculously went well between us, I would tell him I liked him, and wanted to go out with him, and hopefully he would be able to wait one year for me, and we could definitely chat online and maybe get together in a group instead of just one on one dating. 4) This is really the main reason. I told one of my best friends about my possible little crush on this guy, and she told me that he apparently has a crush on one of her really close friends. And she likes him back. So that basically shut down all of this crushing and liking and flirting (badly) business. Because as much as I like a guy, if a girl that I know and enjoy hanging out with liked the guy first, I'll step down right away. To me, a relationship with a guy isn't worth destroying a friendship or hurting someone. So, yeah. That bubble was bursted. Oh, well. I've made it without a boyfriend this far, I'm sure I can make it for many years to come.