Frustrations

Okay. I have a lot to get off my chest.

Once again, its boys. They make me upset.

BACKSTORY TIME (*insert glittery storm here*)

One of my friends, I've mentioned him a couple of times before, starting going out with a girl about a month ago. Which sounds like a good thing, I guess. Yes, it is a good thing. Augh. This is hard. I'm giving them fake names to make this easier. The guy is actually Michael, who I mentioned a while ago in a past post, about a girl again. But its not the same girl again. I'm naming the girl Cassie. 'Cuz I really like that name. So, Michael is one of my best friends and Cassie is an absolute sweetie, so in AP Lang we usually hung out all the time. I guess Michael met Cassie because of me. Yay me. What wasn't so yay, is when they started getting to know each other, they started flirting. A lot. All the time. And I was stuck just watching from the outside. Which sounds really bratty, but honestly, I don't know how else to put it. To prove it, here's an example. One day, our class all went to the library to work on a project, and I was like, hey, lets go sit with Michael and Cassie, because that's always fun. Except... every time I would open my mouth to try and join the conversation to not feel so much like a third wheel, Michael would cut me off. At least Cassie would try to let me talk by changing the topic to something like the movie Frozen (which is amazing, fyi. go watch it, if you haven't), since Michael couldn't really contribute to the conversation, as he hadn't seen the movie at that point. But converse he did, cutting me off every time I opened my mouth to gaze into Cassie's eyes and give his opinion on something he didn't have any idea about. Okay, I was a little upset about that. I locked myself in a practice room afterwards and furiously organized my binder. I guess I was trying to make myself feel a little bit more in control of my feelings. I felt neglected, and shoved aside. But, part of me still whispered, hey, it's okay. They like each other. He probably didn't mean to ignore you. So I decided to set my hurt feelings aside, and try to forgive Michael for being a jerkface (i wasn't mad at cassie for this... she tried her hardest to make me feel included).

Then, Michael decided to make this huge deal to me about how he was coming to the musical I was in (fiddler on the roof. woot.) And I was like... hey, maybe things will get better now. I'm still important to him, there's just another girl and his feelings took over. I was totally prepared to let the library incident go, chalk it up to new love or something. After the play, I would get to see him at the actor-greety-thingy, and things would be cool between us. But then he never came to see me. He spent the whole time flirting with Cassie in the back. And it wasn't just me he was ignoring at this point. My friend Ella was playing in the orchestral pit for this play, and he ignored her too. So it wasn't just me being jealous or anything.

Okay, fast forward about a week. I got kind of sick from exhaustion over the musical, so I stayed home from school. I was chatting with him and some of my other friends online after school, and he commented... "Wait.... you weren't at school today? I didn't even notice." Now, with some people, this would be a perfectly normal thing to say. But I was late to class once by about thirty seconds, and Michael noticed I was gone. He would notice if I was gone a day... except... he didn't. Now, granted, that was the day that he asked Cassie out, but I was still kind of hurt. Actually, really hurt. I tried to be supportive of the fact that he was in "love" and found this great new girl and all that, and I let them have their alone time and I tried and tried and tried. But he completely ignored me. He didn't even notice me anymore. And that made me really really sad. I mean, he's one of my best friends. Aren't best friends supposed to be there for each other, no matter what happens? They've just completely ditched me in class to hang out with each other, and I was stuck not knowing what to do. I was venting to some people in musical, and a girl named Hailey said, "Oh my gosh. You and Michael. You're like... his... his fallback girl. You're who he goes to whenever a girl dumps him." I started to defend myself... and then I stopped. 'Cuz I realized... That's kind of what I am. I'm always there for him to talk to whenever he's single, but then as soon as he finds a girl to crush on, he drops me. And I get stuck by myself, as the very very third wheel.

I started hanging out with other people, since, luckily, I had a lot of friends in that class, and I was like, okay. I can do this. This is what's going to happen as we grow up. I can't be the most important girl all the time. I moved on. I let them fall in love. Even when I ran into them at the movie theater, I tried to just say hi quick and let them have their lovey time, without being rude or anything. And then... they broke up.

Now, of course, I have to be sympathetic towards Michael, because he's still my friend. And I have to be nice to Cassie, because she's my friend too. But now I'm stuck in the middle instead of as the third wheel. Literally. I was walking down the hallway today, talking to Cassie about Youtubers, and Michael came up beside me. Now I'm stuck between them, with Cassie ignoring Michael, and Michael ignoring Cassie, and I'm suddenly the one to talk to now. All the stuff they talked about together, now they're talking about it with me. And before they started dating, that was fine. But now, after I totally got shoved out of the picture just because they were dating, I'm not sure how I feel about it. It's mostly Michael that I'm ticked off at. Cassie tried really hard to make me still feel included. But... Michael totally shut me out. And then after he let me back in, he would just talk about Cassie. And now, he's talking to me all the time. He's telling me every single detail of his life... just to try to get me to talk to him. To try to get me to be his fallback girl. And now that I realize what just happened... I don't know how to react. It's really tough.

Awkward Taco

I've started noticing that I'm kind of bad at receiving compliments. If someone gives me a compliment like, "Oh my gosh, Kira. Your look so cute today," or "Your voice is like an angel," I tend to try to explain the compliment away, by saying something like, "Yeah, I pretty much threw this on this morning, and apparently it looks halfway decent. Woot." or "Eh... you should have heard me in a cappella today. I sounded like a dying frog." I don't know why I always react this way. I don't want to say its because I don't have all the confidence in the world in myself, but... I don't know. I mean, most girls don't look at themselves in the mirror every day and say, "Dang girl... you look fiiiiineeee...." But today, this really sweet girl named Amanda wished me luck on a music competition I have that's coming up this Saturday. It wasn't even a compliment! It was just a really sweet thing to say! But my knee-jerk reaction of putting myself down kicked in, and instead of graciously accepting it, I just kind of shrugged and was like... "Yeah, I'm going to need the luck. Hopefully I don't make a complete idiot of myself like last year." Why did I need to put myself down like that? Why couldn't I just say thank you and move on with life? Its so weird. I should just say thank you, smile, and go about my business, but apparently I can't do that.

*sigh*

I'm such an awkward person.

Stupid People

I have no patience for stupid people.

Now, I don't mean people who are just lacking knowledge. For instance, my grandpa never graduated from high school, and he still has problems reading things well. But it's not his fault. He wasn't raised in a world where that was especially important. You could get off pretty well without a super exclusive education, and he's always trying to learn new things, and he doesn't stop reading articles about philosophy or politics just because he has a little trouble with getting through it. No, the kind of person that annoys me is the person who has complete access to information and the brain power to be intelligent, but they choose not to. Like, all they have to do is use the ear-holes that God so graciously gave them on either side of their face, and, all of a sudden, they would be 500x smarter.

Example 1: Today, my Civics teacher was talking about Cuba, and how they might be opening their economy to more private-owned business (see? listening skills right there). Mr. Roth started talking about how if Cuba becomes more open with their economy, it would open up the.... (here is where he paused to have us guess what he's talking about. it usually takes a while for someone to respond. our class is full of jocks who spend their entire class beating each other up and i usually get caught in the crossfire of a thrown pencil or chucked binder) and somebody blurted out "ORANGES. It would open up the economy for ORANGES." Excuse me while I slam my face into the desk repeatedly. NO YOU WHO HAVE RADISHES FOR BRAINS. It would open up the TOURISM OPPORTUNITIES. I know I'm guilty of saying stupid things in class sometimes, but 1) 97% of the time, it's in AP Lang, where I rarely think about what I say because it's a class where I don't really have to use my brain, and 2) My stupid remarks are usually for comedic purposed (i'm super funny, i swear).

Okay, that last example made me just seem kind of a full-of-herself ultra-nerd, with the whole Cuban economy thing. But I'll give you a better example of an infuriating person.

Last year, I was in a class with a pretty non-intelligent teacher by Hamilton's standards. Don't get me wrong, I liked her well enough. She was nice. But, honestly, she wasn't that bright. But, hey, it was okay, because she was teaching a class full of people with the same capacity. Like, one day we were going over exam on Beowulf, where we were going to be given quotes from the EPIC TALE (not just a normal novel or something. an EPIC TALE) and we'd have to figure out who said the quotes, so that she'd know we read the book and could identify the characters and stuff. Pretty straightforward. But one girl raised her hand, and was like (*insert stupid voice here*) "Wait... how are we going to know who said each quote?" I actually turned around and said something scathingly sarcastic to her. I don't remember what. I just remember it was snarky enough that one of my friends actually kind of whispered to me, "Kira... don't you think you're overreacting?" It's just... I was stuck in that class listening to a less-than-intelligent teacher, and literally I would sit there fiddling with my friend's (the scolding one i mentioned before) and not paying attention at all, and this pushed me over the edge. I was just SO bored and fed up with stupid people.

So. Yeah. Stupid people annoy me. Rant finished.