Falling in Love

One of the many things that I love about Doctor Who is that it demonstrates all the different loves you can have towards someone. A lot of TV shows just have the romantic boy+girl chemistry going on, and maybe a little tension between a parent figure and a child, but other than that, the only relationship that is deemed "important" is a romantic one. True love's first kiss breaks the spell because that's an act of love, but the fact that your best friend had to sacrifice everything to get you to that point and put up with your moaning on top of it doesn't count for anything. Like in Frozen, I always wondered why Olaf's sacrifice for Anna didn't count as an act of true love. He was prepared to die for her, to keep her safe. But because it wasn't a boy-girl relationship kiss scenario, it didn't count. Of course, a different kind of love was showcased, but according to the spell's rule, Anna should have been saved as soon as Olaf lit the fire to keep Anna warm. But that friendship wasn't deemed important enough to break a spell. And I don't think that's the right way to go about things. The Greeks got it right. They had a word for "love" in all its senses, including friendship. And all the loves were equal. I love Doctor Who because it puts as much emphasis on friendship as it does on romantic interactions, perhaps more so. A lot of people ask me why I'm not in a relationship, and occasionally people ask me why I'm not really upset that I'm not in one, or try harder to GET in one. I usually just kind of shrug it off, but I think I should say, "I AM in one. I'm in hundreds of relationships right now." Because I am. I'm in so many crazy, wonderful, horrible, heartwrenching relationships right now, and no, they might not be romantically inclined, but they're just as real and true and gratifying as a boyfriend-girlfriend dealio would give me. It kind of makes me upset that society doesn't say that being a friend is as good as being a boyfriend. Everyone has complained at one point of being "friendzoned," as if it was a bad thing. Yes, it might be disappointing in that situation, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with being in love with someone as a friend, because that love is no less real than if you were going on dates and making out. My love for all my friends is SO strong, and I'm not just saying that. I choose my friends carefully. If I ever tell a friend I love them, its not a flippant statement. I mean it with everything in me. Because I don't think people say "I love you" enough, no matter what kind of love it is. I've been learning how to love in a different way lately. For the past six years, I really haven't been able to love my dad in the way I wanted to. It was kind of a second -hand love, something that I remembered and honored but really didn't have a direct link with. I loved him when I was a little girl, and I've loved him over the past six years, but I haven't been able to talk to him. But now, I'm able to talk to him every week, which is incredible. Because I think I'm falling in love with him, more. I'm able to know that he's there, and interested in what I have to say, and geek about TV shows and movies and plays and school, instead of just having to take my mom's word for it. And I love that. I've wanted to be able to talk to my dad about simple things, like Star Trek or cars or work, or complicated things like God and love and futures, and now that I can, it's everything I've imagined. It's an amazing thing. And that's what I mean. You can fall in love with your dad. You can fall in love with your best friend. You can fall in love with your boyfriend. They all have the same weight and importance and impact upon your life. And that's all I have to say.

Well That Was Awkward

I'm an awkward person. I know I am. I admit it with open arms. And that is a huge problem. Because it's so much more annoying to know you're an extremely awkward taco than to be oblivious of your awkward-ness. EXAMPLE: While I'm in work, I tend to put my pen in my back pocket so I don't lose it 'cuz I really love this pen, and I always need it as I'm running around like a crazy person. But sometimes, I put the pen where it's supposed to go instead of in my pocket, and forget that I did it. And then I end up patting my own butt like an idiot looking for the pen that I don't have and it probably looks insanely awkward. And I KNOW it looks incredibly awkward. And people just say... embrace your awkward weirdness! But that makes it worse! Because the more you embrace your weirdness, the more aware you are of the awkwardness that you are, and it's just a vicious cycle that will never be broken. Argh.



So, it turns out that I'm more of an extrovert than I thought I was. I mean, I knew that I enjoy being around people and I don't have problems with things like speeches, but I didn't know how much I depend on being around people to feel happy. The main difference between introverts and extroverts is just one thing: where they get their energy from. Introverted people recharge when they're alone. It doesn't mean that they can't deal with social situations or anything, it just means that they feel the best about themselves and are in the best mood when they're alone. They might have a strong aversion to giving speeches or being in front of people, or they might have no problem with it. The main thing is that they get their biggest mood boost when they get the chance to just chill for a few hours with no physical interaction with anyone, maybe with some Tumblr or Netflix or something. Extroverts are the exact opposite. They get their boost from being around people. And a lot of times, extroverts are made out to be these lucky ducks just because they don't get sick when they have to give a presentation. But extroverts have problems sometimes too. Like right now, I'm having a hard time because my job is extremely quiet. There's no chatting with customers or coworkers, nobody talks unless its about the merchandise. So in the past week, I've probably said less than I would in one lunch period in school. Which would be great for an introverted person, but since my job lasts for 8 hours of my day, and many of my friends are introverts and/or on vacation (I could initiate things myself, I get, but that's one of my few introverted tendencies. I very rarely initiate getting together with someone, 'cuz I feel like they won't want to hang out with me or think I'm annoying. That's another one of the downsides to being an extrovert: you're always afraid you're coming on too strong and people will think you're obnoxious, even though you're just being you.), so I honestly haven't talked to anyone outside my family in a week. I started going stir crazy. I have an extremely active brain, which is a good and a bad thing. I'm very good at thinking on my feet, reading quickly, or problem solving, but when I get bored, doing the same thing over and over (like I"m doing now), my brain starts to overreact and I start going crazy. I desperately start searching for someone to talk to, and this time it got so bad I ended up playing with an app that is programmed to have a conversation with you for TWO HOURS. That's just pathetic. But that's just because I had absolutely no one to talk to and extroverts need people just as badly as introverts need alone time. One tendency isn't easier to deal with than another.