Do you ever feel like... oh, I don't know. Like you're about to crush on someone and you know you shouldn't, but you almost feel like you can't help it? It's just... augh. It's hard to explain. I haven't had a crush on someone for such a long time, and it's weird.
At the beginning of last summer, my faith in the male population seriously took a nosedive. Somebody I liked (a lot, btw) decided to go on a date with a girl who is... how shall I say this... forward... when it comes to the gentlemen. I know it seems stupid and childish for getting upset over something that I have no beeswax in. I don't even know if they ended up dating for a little bit or what (she got back with together with her ex-boyfriend though. i know that for sure. that's another whole kit-and-caboodle. i won't go into that right now.) It's not the fact that he went out with another girl. There are plenty of genuine, sweet, adorable girls that he could have dated at our school, and I would be a little sad that it wasn't me, but I would be happy for them. It's just the fact that he even gave her a chance. I mean, I thought I'd finally found a guy who was witty and clever and smart and hilarious and very very cute, and most of all... he noticed if a girl was "flaunting it" and he would steer away from her. But no. Of course not. Because even the best of guys, apparently don't resist... that... easily.
Anyways. Long tangent. Point is, I haven't had a crush on a guy for a very, very long time. Now, I know some of you are flipping back your hair and saying, "girl... 8 months? That's it? Woo hoo, let's throw a party. Little Miss Kira can't even go a year without falling for someone." I know, I know. It's pathetic. And I don't even want to start dating anyone... it's just... crushing on someone is nice. You get the butterflies and your heart starts beating fast when you're near him... and you notice little things about his eyes or the way his hair is so completely irresistible and you want to run your fingers through it and tousle it up... it's sweet. Everything seems... lovelier, and kind of has a golden glow (reading that over again... i guess this is why people tend to call me a hopeless romantic). This is going to sound really bad, but since 6th grade, I've pretty much had a crush on someone non-stop. Before you judge me, 6th-8th grade, it was the same guy the entire time (i think i only had an actual conversation with the guy once or twice) and he was extremely (*ahem* hormonally) glorified in my mind. And I guess since then, it's pretty much been 3 guys 8-10th grade. So it's weird not crushing on someone. I miss it.
I guess that's why I'm even considering that I having a crush on this guy. Believe me, if anyone found out that I was even thinking about it, I would be laughed out of Paris (don't know why i said that... it just seemed to fit there.). I guess the more I think about it, the more ridiculous it seems. I've been friends with this guy for a long time, and I can't imagine life without his friendship, but honestly, me even having an inkling of a thought of crushing on him and him finding out... wouldn't work out. Let's just say... it would end badly. Out-of-mac-'n-cheese-and-apple-juice badly. Makes sense that you're putting it in a public blog, Kira. Real smart.
I just wish that there would be some guy that I knew that I could like. By this point, all the likeable guys are taken... or.... y'no... unlikeable. He wouldn't even have to like me back (i think that's a little too much to hope for.). Just sit there, make me smile, give me the butterflies and blushes, and make me overanalyze everything you say to see if you like me back, and.... that's about it.
Anybody know someone interested in the position?
*p.s. i'm glad i wrote all this down... my thoughts were kind of splattered all over my brain walls, and this helped me put it back in order so i don't do something stupid. so... thanks for listening :) *