Ramblings of Kira on New Year's

Hey, it's me: the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructable Kira (no duh, honey. they thought it was benjamin franklin.) It's New Years Eve, exactly 11 minutes until the old year is done... forever (wow, kira. we all bow down to your genius and splendor) This is usually the time of night when I start rambling a lot... more than usual. And today, I was thinking about how this year has been... deep thinking for Kirababy (no, i didn't make that up. my dad used to call me that... :/) 

I think I've learned a lot this year.... for once. I've learned that if you love someone enough, you'll find a way to make them happy... even if you look really stupid and make a complete idiot of yourself in the process. Sometimes you'll have to make a dork out of yourself supporting your nerd friends in things that are TOTALLY uncool.... (because obviously i'm the coolest girl on planet earth) but its okay. Because if you really care about them, the stupid things that you imagine everyone thinking about you... they don't matter. 'Cuz you made your geeky friend happy by letting him show you how to design robots (i say "show you" loosely... i still don't know the first thing about it... he showed me, i never said i retained the information.) 

I've also learned that if you find a friend who will stick by you through insane (slightly disturbing) crushes on boys who totally won't give a second glance to you and parent divorces and new baby sisters and trips to Russia and Russian boyfriends and their brothers that give her great emotional conflict... she's a keeper. And even though you don't get to see her as much as you'd like to... she will forever and always be your first true and forever best friend. And every time you see her, it's like no time passed at all... I love you, Maya Papaya, and I"m so glad you stumbled your way into my life. 

I've learned that you can't make quick judgements about people... I tend to do that a lot... I mean, its hard not to. I used to think that I was alone with my totally messed up family and crazy situations that seem to run into me. But its not true... people are more alike than you like. I used to think that there was absolutely no way a girl like me, a nerdy Whovian and theater fanatic, would have anything in common with someone like a senior guy on the wrestling team. I mean, how diverse can a school like Hamilton be? There's no way that senior guy would understand what its like to worry about his parents violent fights... that he would have to hear his mom tell him that she doesn't know how she can afford to get groceries. But turns out, that senior guy and I had more in common than I thought. Yeah. I've started to learn that I can't make assumptions that everyone else's lives are easy breezy Covergirl-ish. And it's also made me realize that I want to be able to help make lives better... to listen to them and heal relationships that don't have to be over.  

I've made three strong, amazing friends this year. Sure, two out of three of them are annoying, and idiotic, and completely infuriating, but I love them so much, and I wouldn't have them any other way (even though it would really be nice if they stopped talking about that stupid sparkle party. c'mon, guys, it's getting old). I love being your mom/grandma/little sister/whatever I am. Its weird to have friends that I can talk about David Tennant and his excessive sexiness one moment and then black holes and custard and death and the power of emotions and parents and crushes and Kira Confession Night. 

This year meant a lot of ups and downs for me. I think I've come closer to figuring how to balance being strong and letting your emotions color the world. I've rekindled my passion for mac 'n cheese, and I met the love of my life, Steven Giovannni, who is at this moment, sitting next to me without his pillowcase on. Stevie, you naughty naughty boy. I've had crushes this year, mostly on fictional and/or animated men, but y'no, they're crushes nonetheless. I've cried a lot this year, I've laughed a lot, I've sang off key and biked in the pouring rain and fell in swimming pools fully dressed. Yeah.... this is getting really weird. I think I should probably get back to my Disney tv shows that are probably too young for me but I refuse to give up because I'm still 5 years old inside. Peace off, boop. 


Laughed Out of Paris

Do you ever feel like... oh, I don't know. Like you're about to crush on someone and you know you shouldn't, but you almost feel like you can't help it? It's just... augh. It's hard to explain. I haven't had a crush on someone for such a long time, and it's weird.

At the beginning of last summer, my faith in the male population seriously took a nosedive. Somebody I liked (a lot, btw) decided to go on a date with a girl who is... how shall I say this... forward... when it comes to the gentlemen. I know it seems stupid and childish for getting upset over something that I have no beeswax in. I don't even know if they ended up dating for a little bit or what (she got back with together with her ex-boyfriend though. i know that for sure. that's another whole kit-and-caboodle. i won't go into that right now.) It's not the fact that he went out with another girl. There are plenty of genuine, sweet, adorable girls that he could have dated at our school, and I would be a little sad that it wasn't me, but I would be happy for them. It's just the fact that he even gave her a chance. I mean, I thought I'd finally found a guy who was witty and clever and smart and hilarious and very very cute, and most of all... he noticed if a girl was "flaunting it" and he would steer away from her. But no. Of course  not. Because even the best of guys, apparently don't resist... that... easily.

Anyways. Long tangent. Point is, I haven't had a crush on a guy for a very, very long time. Now, I know some of you are flipping back your hair and saying, "girl... 8 months? That's it? Woo hoo, let's throw a party. Little Miss Kira can't even go a year without falling for someone." I know, I know. It's pathetic. And I don't even want to start dating anyone... it's just... crushing on someone is nice. You get the butterflies and your heart starts beating fast when you're near him... and you notice little things about his eyes or the way his hair is so completely irresistible and you want to run your fingers through it and tousle it up... it's sweet. Everything seems... lovelier, and kind of has a golden glow (reading that over again... i guess this is why people tend to call me a hopeless romantic). This is going to sound really bad, but since 6th grade, I've pretty much had a crush on someone non-stop. Before you judge me, 6th-8th grade, it was the same guy the entire time (i think i only had an actual conversation with the guy once or twice) and he was extremely (*ahem* hormonally) glorified in my mind. And I guess since then, it's pretty much been 3 guys 8-10th grade. So it's weird not crushing on someone. I miss it.

I guess that's why I'm even considering that I having a crush on this guy. Believe me, if anyone found out that I was even thinking about it, I would be laughed out of Paris (don't know why i said that... it just seemed to fit there.). I guess the more I think about it, the more ridiculous it seems. I've been friends with this guy for a long time, and I can't imagine life without his friendship, but honestly, me even having an inkling of a thought of crushing on him and him finding out... wouldn't work out. Let's just say... it would end badly. Out-of-mac-'n-cheese-and-apple-juice badly. Makes sense that you're putting it in a public blog, Kira. Real smart.

I just wish that there would be some guy that I knew that I could like. By this point, all the likeable guys are taken... or.... y'no... unlikeable. He wouldn't even have to like me back (i think that's a little too much to hope for.). Just sit there, make me smile, give me the butterflies and blushes, and make me overanalyze everything you say to see if you like me back, and.... that's about it.

Anybody know someone interested in the position?

*p.s. i'm glad i wrote all this down... my thoughts were kind of splattered all over my brain walls, and this helped me put it back in order so i don't do something stupid. so... thanks for listening :) *