10.21.2013

Och, These Infuriating Humans

Old blog post. This is how much I care about you, posting stuff like a month after it actually happened. I was a little too angry with these two lovelies to actually finish this.

I consider myself a people person. I totally AM a people person. But sometimes, these infuriating humans make me SO UPSET. Two of my closest friends are named Michael and Katie. We've been hanging out all summer, and of course, Michael happened to have a crush on Katie. This would be perfectly acceptable, except Michael asked Katie out, she said yes, and she DIDN'T actually like Michael. This has happened quite a few times to Michael, so you'd think he'd be if not used to, at least exposed to being "friend-zoned." Katie was totally freaking out on how to tell him that she didn't want to go out, and I, being the wonderful psychologist-to-be, tried to help her. Sidenote: All my friends turn to me for relationship help. Why? I have no idea. I've never been in one! Anyways, I told her that she should have told him no right away, but now that the deed was done, she needed to tell him how she really felt right away. And I kind of gave her some advice on how to deal with him. This is what I said:

so.. about you asking me out. i made a decision too quickly after you asked me, and after i've thought about it for a little while, i don't think us going out together would be a good idea. you're one of my closest friends, and i love you as a friends, but i honestly don't have the same feelings. i know that's cliched, and i know you've heard it before, but i don't know how else to tell you. i would never intenionally do anything to hurt you, but i think that going out with you and leading you on would be more painful for you than being truthful up front and telling you how i really feel.

Pretty good, right? Oh, Kira the wise sage. We bow down to you and your unexperienced relationship advice. All hail the queen (don't know what that was. it just fit. deal.) Yeah, it was supposed to work out all pretty, with Katie telling Michael she had to go (they were Skyping all during the time she was freaking out to me. Face to face. #awkward), and then kind of gently dumping him. Ponies, rainbows and Cheezits. But of course Michael has to be Michael and not cooperate with what us girls predict, and he HUNG UP on her. Yeah. HUNG. UP. The jerkface. (I can say things like this because I know he'll never ever ever read this blog.) Katie was absolutely freaking out. The great thing is, both of them had a band competition the next day, requiring them to actually interact with each other, and they were really ticked at each other. Later on, I learned that Michael thought Katie's reason that "We're too close as friends to date" was a bad idea. The thing I hate about this stuff is there is NO way to turn down a guy that hasn't been said before. Its hard to be sincere, and not cliched. Or you can just do what I did, and just run away from the guy for the next 6 months. (its an interesting story. maybe i'll tell you some other day). So. She's mad at him for hanging up on her, he's mad at her for not having a good enough reason to "break up" (if you can call it that), and there are no fuzzy feelings in the least. Yeah.

The next day, my friend Fabio is chatting with me on Skype (yes, i live on Skype. don't judge.) and he's complaining that Michael is driving him insane with his broken heart over Katie. Michael and I actually have a very long and heartfelt conversation about our idiot friends, and eventually we make Katie and Michael sit down (theoretically. or should i say, electronically) and tell them nobody's leaving until something gets worked out. I felt like a mom. I mean, I know I'm the mother of our entire friend group (long story), but that doesn't mean I should be enforcing discipline! It was absolutely ridiculous. Michael and I are scolding both of them, and Michael is being a stupid little toddler and saying things like, "There's no reason why she shouldn't like me," and "Just because she's upset doesn't mean she can't talk to me." (oh, yeah, i forgot to mention. at the band competition Katie refused to talk to Michael. he was a little miffed at this.) I was more upset with Michael than Katie, obviously, but I still was upset with Katie because she didn't follow my sage advice and keep talking to him, even though she wasn't very happy with him. I mean, what is with people? I'm just such a good, experienced person to follow. Jeez louise. Anyways, eventually we got them to talk, even though Michael decided to be a jerk once again and leave in the middle of the conversation. The nerve. Finally Katie resolved the issue by telling him how she really felt, and apologizing. Which was what I told her in the first place. SO. Moral of the story is: When you ask Kira for advice for some strange reason, even though it really makes no logical sense, LISTEN TO WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY. SHE'S USUALLY RIGHT. Okay? Okay. I'm glad we've figured that out.

Disclaimer: Actually, don't listen to what I have to say. This is the girl who sits in her room and sings to the Lorax. Pathetic. And, I'm not actually this mad at Michael. I just like to insult him :D